ugh... three hours of sleep is not enough for this princess... now i'm paying... i was actually sleepy last night, but things just kept getting in the way of sleep...
first there were the neighbors... who decided to cook at 11:30pm... with curry... nasty... for those of you who don't know, this is one of the worst smelling spices ever... it sticks in your clothes, and lingers in the area... and gives me a headache... i tried to sift the smell through my sheets so i wouldn't be breathing it, but that didn't work... and 45 min later, i was still awake...
this time, my stomach was hurting... not sure why, just felt like heartburn, but it was intense enough to keep me awake... i saw christopher was online, so i decided to chat with him for a while...
the conversation started out innocent and happy enough... and then things just got ugly... i saw a side of him that i'd not seen before... a side that scared me... a side that, as much as i love him, i don't know how to deal with... i mentioned something about my grandparents, hoping for a little compassion from him... hoping he'd help me deal with the oh-so-rapid approach of losing my grandparents... but that's not what i got... instead, he preceded to tell me he wouldn't make the mistakes they've made... and he didn't want to turn out like them... and just when i thought the conversation couldn't get any worse, it did... i know he was only telling me the way he feels (right now), but i don't think he thought about how it was affecting me... and when i told him that he'd hurt me, he acted offended... i understand where he's coming from... i really do... i don't want some of those things to happen either... but no one knows what they're going to be like in 50 or even 75 years... and why choose to cut your time short because you're afraid of what "might" happen???
so, even after we'd finished our chat, i couldn't sleep... his words just kept echoing in my head... and just when i thought they were gone and i could sleep, they'd come back, and i'd cry some more... and as anyone who has ever cried just before going to sleep knows, that doesn't make for the best sleeping conditions...
3 hours later, i woke up... eyes swollen, hurting like hell... nose stopped up... and a major headache... i'm just hoping something nice happens today to make me happy... is that too much to ask for???
btw: my office is a freakin' meat locker... no kidding... when i came in this morning, it was so cold in here, the windows were fogged up... i have the space heater going under my desk, and a sweater wrapped around my legs... and i'm still freakin' cold... dammit...
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